The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize