Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
