He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
