Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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