I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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