I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
