I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
