she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
