I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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