It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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