his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
