My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
