You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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