you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
