im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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