Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
