some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
