so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
