I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
