What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
