Im at strip club and am horny
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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