You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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