You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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