PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry about my life...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
