Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
