I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
