Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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