Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
