Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
