I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
