so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
