so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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