I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
