The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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