woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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