I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
