The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I bet he comes in French.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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