you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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