Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
