my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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