I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
