i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
