he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
