Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
