covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
