OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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