I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
