These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
