its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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