You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
