Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
