No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
