yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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