Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
