I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I enjoy the company of your penis
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
