he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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