That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
