I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
