im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
