now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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