you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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