Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
