His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
