I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
