it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
