i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we still banned from the library?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You don't make any sense
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