im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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