i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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