Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
