singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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