I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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