clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
