you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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