She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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