saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
