im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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