I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
