When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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